


'cause we both thought that love lasted forever

by bestofwaifusbestofwomen



Series: the very 'verse [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Denial, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Just dont, M/M, bc the first one was bad, dont read this, if youre gonna read this, im sorry, its bad, or - Freeform, then only read the second chapter, uhhhhhh, who am i kidding tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 05:12:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12646797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestofwaifusbestofwomen/pseuds/bestofwaifusbestofwomen
Summary: This isn't how this story's supposed to end.orAlex is in denial.





	1. Chapter 1

Just--

 

Look.

 

John wouldn't do that.

 

He _wouldn't._ He wouldn't let himself _die_ , least of all _kill_ himself. He's just, he's not-- _No_ . If you think he would just, just _give up_ then you obviously didn’t know him. _Don’t_ know him, God dammit.

 

 _Holy fuck_ , do _not_ tell me to calm down. I’m the only one thinking rationally here! John doesn’t give up, doesn’t know when to quit, when to back down from anything, so don’t you dare tell me that he--

 

Tell me to calm down one more time, swear to God.

 

Don’t _look_ at me like that!

 

No, you don’t understand, you’re not listening, you don’t even know how wrong you are. John is, John is like a fire that won’t go out. He’s stubborn. He doesn’t, he’s not--

 

 _Listen_ . I’ve seen him at his very worst and at his very best, I’ve seen him light up brighter than the fucking sun, I’ve seen him break down in the middle of the night, and-- It doesn’t make _sense_.

 

...wait, what? What? No.

 

C’mon, you don’t really _think_ …

  
_Please_.


	2. sure why not

So it turns out that John isn’t some star in the sky. He doesn’t leave with a  _ bang _ , become a supernova or something else that breathes life into the universe, because that’s not really what happens. To people. He’s ordinary. He left with a dull letter that barely even sounds like him. It's not right. It'll never be right. 

 

Anyways. 

 

It kinda hurts, but it’s also kinda numb. Things are kinda numb these days. 

 

Alex doesn’t stop to think about John. He hardly even stops to breathe. Only leaves his room for school, works through all of his classes mechanically, his grades are still flawless, and he’s going to pass his junior year with flying colors, but. His acting sucks now. He’s having a hard time translating words into emotion. If Mr. Reyes is bothered by it, then he doesn’t say anything about it. Just tells him to memorize his lines, which Alex has already done. 

 

He memorizes a lot of things, actually. Laws, the Ten Amendments, the Declaration of Independence,  _ Common Sense _ is a fun read. It helps him to ignore Martha knocking at the door, Eliza speaking to him softly and holding his face in her hands, Lafayette screaming at him in French after the funeral he doesn’t attend, his bestfriendboyfriend _ lover _ fucking  _ killing _ himself and. 

 

Michael had lent him his headphones when he’d walked into Music Theory the other day. That was nice of him. Alex’s finger traces the L on one of the sides. He’d forgotten to return it. He plugs them into his laptop, putting on some Spotify playlist and turning it up just loud enough that he can’t hear Laf anymore. He’ll give them back tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont mind me, this was just a bad.  
> um.  
> yeah.  
> takes some inspiration from south_like_sherman's series which you can read at http://archiveofourown.org/series/650564


End file.
